What Goes Up Doesn't Have to Come Down

While I was working in Yuma, Arizona, I saw three people changing the price of gas on gas station signs in a single day.
I can remember going entire summers without seeing this occurrence even once.
If anyone wants job security, they could find it in the occupations of a mortician, a tax preparer or the person who changes the gas prices at gas stations.

The most common surnames in the USA are: 1. Smith 2. Johnson 3. Williams 4. Brown 5. Jones 6. Davis 7. Miller 8. Wilson 9. Moore 10. Anderson 11. Taylor 12. Thomas.

Loving County in west Texas is the emptiest county in the United States, with only 71 people, two roads and one cafe spread among its 645 square miles. It recently received $30,000 in anti-terrorism funds from the Department of Homeland Security.

There are 81,548 lawyers in Washington, D.C.

There are 1,120 calories in a medium-sized movie theater popcorn with butter topping. There are 1,665 steps to the top of the Eiffel Tower. According to Men’s Health Magazine, you'd have to climb them 2.5 times to burn off 1,120 calories.

In 1965, imports accounted for 5 percent of U.S. auto sales. In 2005, they made up 43 percent. 

Fifty-seven percent of Americans have bought a lottery ticket during the past year.

Twelve percent of all billionaires are Virgos.

A car’s dashboard got its name from the horse and buggy days when dashing horses kicked up mud on the passengers. The dashboard was designed to protect them from getting dirty.

Pognophobia is the fear of men wearing a beard.

You get 50 cups of coffee from a pound of coffee and 200 cups of tea from a pound of tea.

The word “mortgage” derives from the Old French mort 
(death) and gage (pledge).

The world's highest gross national per capita income is $58,900 in Luxembourg.

A friend said that he had been elected president of a local service club for the second year.
I commented that he must have done a good job the first year.
“No,” he replied. “I got a second year because I didn’t know what I was doing the first year.”

The person who is able to smile when cut off in traffic is someone worth knowing.

I’ve been watching what I eat. I spill a lot less that way.

Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.

With the cost of medicine today, is there anyone who would not take a pill that had fallen to the floor? 

It takes longer to read the menu in a fast food restaurant that it does to eat the meal.

The less you bet, the more you lose when you win.

Love is what is left of a relationship after all the selfishness has been removed.

If it weren’t for the 1 percent of the population, the other 99 percent would be everybody.

I’ve cut my gasoline costs in half by taking only one-way trips.
Humans are remarkably designed. If our ears were located any place else, we’d have a time keeping our glasses on.

I think the number one problem in this country is that nobody wants to take responsibility for anything, but don't quote me on that.

I saw a large SUV drive up over the curb as it attempted to parallel park. It was an off-road adventure.

If I’m reincarnated as a opossum, I’m going to stay away from roads. 

Statistics mean never having to say you’re certain.

Growing up, tennis wasn’t a sport to be watched or played. It was a sport that provided us with cheap shoes. 

You know you're getting old when you start thinking about the ways you know you’re getting old.

She said, “I had my tongue pierthed on Thaturday. Everyone thaid the prothedure wath nothing. It didn’t hurt muth. Can I athk you if wath I jutht thaid wath hard to underthtand? If tho, I’m thorry becauth I want to be a profethional thpeaker thomeday. Thankth for lithening to me.”

The Hartland Loafer’s Club was in session. We do nothing for an hour, try to figure how to do even less and then we go home and rest. We usually have a quorum, but we never take any action.
There was a rare visitor this particular day.
He was a local fellow who had gone off to college and had become an attorney.
I’m always interested in why people become what they do, so I asked him, “Why did you become a lawyer?”
He told me that he became a lawyer because of his hands.
“Your hands? What do you mean your hands?” I asked.
He said, “One day, I took a good look at my hands and there wasn’t any money in either one of them.”

Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

©Al Batt 2006